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Sunday, 7 August 2016

An Open Letter to Somebody Who Was Once My World...

I will always love you, for you were not only once my world but twice. However much I may begin to think I regret the second time, it would be somewhat unforgivable to regret the happiness you helped bring me. What we had was incredibly special to me, it's no wonder I struggle to let it go. And despite the dawn of a new 'era', what we had will remain special to me for ever more. And I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for everything you've done, including just being your wonderful self. Because the last nearly two years of my life would not have been nearly as electrifying without you. But now I need to move on.

I will never forget you or how you made me feel; the memory of us will not die on my watch. In some ways the timing of your departure sucks but in others, it's the best it could ever have been. Regardless of what happened, there still would have been a new dawn in only a month's time. A fresh start. I feel I could have clung on to the seemingly wonderful past forever but that really wouldn't have been healthy. The dawn of a new day doesn't affect the so-called legacy of yesterday. In other words, just because we have to move on, doesn't mean that what we're moving on from will die. In fact it means quite the opposite: the dawn of a new day allows us to obtain closure on the events of the previous day. We can reflect on it and cherish it, storing it in our hearts, safe in the knowledge that nothing can touch it now. It's there and it's not going anywhere.

We are in transition. Part of that makes this even more deeply unsettling as our lives were already destined for a potential state of insecurity and doubt. A lot will change in the next few years and this period marks the transition between two chapters. In some ways, it can be considered extremely elegant that we should part at this time.

Yet it doesn't quite feel that way. The truth hurts and I just can't seem to stop myself from hiding from it. But it's about time I started to accept this for what it is: the end. Accepting that, or choosing not to, cannot and will not change what has been. So I feel I should thank you for forcing me to see what I already knew was there. It hurt to have my hopes for someday shattered into a million pieces, I'd be lying if I said it didn't. But pain often gives rise to progress. And as you once reminded us, happiness comes as a result of progress.

So more than anything, I wish for us both to be happy. And I have no doubt that, eventually, we will be. Because at first all I felt was pain. But now I can see that all you were really showing me was that I made the right decision.

I set you free.
And in due course, you proceeded to set me free.

Now maybe I can go on safe in the knowledge that it really was for the best.


Love always,
Naomi x




UPDATE: I sincerely hope you never actually end up seeing this update but on the off chance that you find yourself reading this 'letter' again (assuming you read it in the first place), I'd like to share a particular song with you. It's a cover by an artist whose music meant a lot to both of us, I think, for a time and it communicates beautifully virtually exactly what I would want to tell you if you ever found yourself doubting where we ended up. I hope it resonates with you as deeply as it did with me.